"The Lord Gives Sleep to His Beloved"

This phrase started going through my head several weeks ago, if not a couple months ago: "The Lord gives sleep to His beloved."  And I felt like the Lord was saying it to me.  I thought it was probably a verse, but I didn't know for sure, and I definitely didn't know where it was, although it sounds Psalm-like.  And it is.  Psalms 127:2b  Some versions of that verse say "rest" instead of "sleep", but the Hebrew word actually means sleep.  (Sometimes I look these things up.)

Since about September, I've daily felt like I need an afternoon nap.  This is a strange phenomenon for me, because I don't actually like naps.  I feel like they're boring and a waste of time.  I mean, there's a world to see!  People to see!  Things to do!  Books to read!  Conversations to be a part of!  Anything but....sleep.  I've sometimes wished I were one of those people who could live on 5 hours of sleep a night, but I'm not (even though I've had my moments... those seasons don't last though!).  But for the last several months I've been more of the attitude, "Whatever, I'm taking a nap.  See you later."  Every.  Day.

I started noticing that if I didn't get to the nap soon enough, I would struggle to stay awake in the middle of conversations with people, usually by 2pm.  Sooner if I got up earlier than "normal" or had been around more people than usual.  And if I didn't get a nap, I basically went through the adult version of what happens to a two-year-old if they don't get a nap.  "Come on Dina... you can smile at people, listen, and engage in conversation.  You don't need to throw things at people."  Okay, I never, normally, wanted to actually throw things at people.  I did struggle to not check out, however, and be adequately social and stuff (technical term).  I just literally could not make it past 2pm without a nap, or without adverse effects due to a lack of a nap.  What. On. Earth.

Even in Brazil, with no schedule, sleeping in, taking everything easy.... and every day, afternoon nap.  After nearly 2 weeks of this, I started getting concerned.  Am I just being lazy??!  Surely one cannot actually NEED this much sleep.  I started wondering if I should start forcing myself to stay awake all day.  After all, I'm not actually a two-year-old!  But then almost a week ago, something surprising happened.  I made it all the way through the day without needing to sleep, and without falling asleep.  And then another day.  And another.  I'm not lazy after all!  I just actually, really, seriously needed sleep in a way I didn't know one could need sleep.

"The Lord gives sleep to His beloved."  One of the things I'd been wanting to do in all these sleepy afternoons for the last several months was just spend some extra time with Jesus.  It usually amounted to nothing more than a few minutes of sleepy chatter and me passing out.  But honestly, I always felt like He was saying something like, "Don't worry about whatever you think you need to do to spend time with Me.  You need sleep.  You can just sleep, and I'll just be here with you."  And as I let myself take a nap instead of doing the million things I could have done -- things others may have wanted me to do, things I wanted to do or thought I should do, even things I wanted to do for Him -- I encountered the grace and kindness of God (God!), who would understand my weakness (that I haven't even understood), and say: It's okay if you're tired and can't do the things that you want to do.  You don't have to.  It's okay for you to just sleep.  Don't worry about everything else -- I have it under control.  You just sleep.

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want. 
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul.
~Psalms 23:1-3a