A Tale of Two Cities

I honestly don't remember what that tale is about, which is fine, because this tale has nothing to do with that one.

When I lived in Omaha (this isn't one of the "Two Cities", just fyi), I remember people would leave for a year and come back and comment on how they just couldn't find another place like our group.  Now, places and churches are as unique as people, and just like no two people are alike, no two churches or cities are going to be alike.  And while that probably contributed, this seemed to be a little bit more than that. And of course no place is perfect, and I know my Omaha group wasn't either, but I've always been very thankful for that community and felt like the Lord gave me a lot in and through them.

When I moved to Michigan (where the First of Two Cities is located), I remember looking for a church and realizing I was looking for 5 things: good teaching/preaching, good worship, "community", Spirit-filled, and I think the 5th was outreach.  I could NOT find anything that had all five.  Most were removed from the idea of being filled with the Spirit and gifts of the Spirit.  The places that were "Spirit filled" were crazy.  Worship was often, "Let's sing a couple songs", or, "Let's sit back and listen to a couple songs."  Teaching and community were hit or miss, and outreach was largely non-existent. 

Let me pause and define "community", because I find this word is heavily used and has become a case of, "You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it means."  Community is mutual support and encouragement of each other, seeing and encouraging individual giftings, wanting the best for each other.  It is not making everyone focused on the same cause so that everyone gets along because they're all the same and all doing the same thing (this particular model could also be called "Communism".)

Anyway, eventually I decided that I'd have to pick two things out of the 5 I was looking for in a church -- which two did I want most?  Definitely not the kind where you go up to someone after church, asking for prayer, and they say, "Yeah, sure, I'll pray for you.  Gotta go," and pray for you later.  Or where the pastor thinks that saying, "What you said today really hit a chord," simply giving him a pat on the back. 

In the interim, I was unaccustomed to God being a Sunday thing, and not giving Him much thought during the rest of the week.  I wasn't used to forced community and attacking people who were perceived to be a threat.  To caring about doing things right, rather than caring about a person's heart.  There wasn't necessarily anything outright "bad" -- I was just used to Christians who actively sought the Lord, and encouraged others regularly.  I was used to addressing matters of the heart, not matters of the head.  I had a few people say they'd never met another Christian like me, and I only found it to be heart-breaking.  Why had they never felt heard or cared about before?  I struggled in seeking the Lord, and every relational struggle, I felt was the Lord "grounding" me and "not letting me play with the other kids," because, while I wanted to seek Him, I wasn't. 

I did end up making a couple good friends, and the people I met at the end of my time there were great -- the church met my top two picks (worship and caring for each other).  I was happy and satisfied, but I still wanted more.

When I moved to Texas (the Second of the Two Cities), I really just wanted some TLC.  I figured, if I just had a couple months of TLC, I'd be good to go.  I was happy and felt "solid", but I was tired.  My heart was broken for the beaten and broken Christians I saw.  I'd felt unable to properly encourage and express God's love for the people around me so they'd know how valuable they were.  I felt like I'd failed.  But instead of TLC, it was really just a case of "out of the frying pan and into the frier."  Texas doesn't do TLC.  They produce results.  In Michigan, I saw how others weren't valued or went unseen, suffering under the weight of failing to meet whatever standard or expectations.  In Texas, I experienced it first hand.  In Michigan I felt like I failed.  In Texas, in many subtle ways, they said I failed -- "if only you would do more with evangelism and discipleship.  If only I knew how important it was.  If only you'd give more -- those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed!"  I arrived thinking the main thing I had to offer was loving people and caring about them, and that was important.  After a few years, I thought thought that was all I had, but it was worthless -- it didn't produce immediate, great results.

I actually think I forgot many my Michigan experiences, because the Texas experiences were so intense.  I didn't realize that I'd always thought that my entire Michigan experience was a failure.  But looking back, I don't think that's actually the case.  There may have been better choices that I could have made, but not matter what was going on, my desire to seek the Lord and care for people was always, always there.